How free would I be if those eyes weren't turned on me?
If the world stopped it's spinning for an hour, a day?
I could stretch out on the ground, eyes up to the heights I never reached
Mouth open to breeze, the pollen, nature that feels so unnatural on me
Can I be free from man, it's clothes, its tight leather shoes?
What of the hours, the clocks, the dinners, lunches and tick tick tockings of your world
Can it just stop and let me be, let me be free, let me see?
Stop looking, stop feeling, just being, just breathing
I want to be like the dirt, I want to be dead as dirt, in the dirt, on top of dirt
I am so sick of it all
The world won't stop though, will it?
All I have is a slice of this thought when a cool breeze surprises my skin when I stepped out of the laundromat
the Los Angeles palm trees sway to the same breeze
The tree knows the freedom, but not me
Tomorrow I will do some things
I will cook good food
Make little things, read, write, cut up little papers, pack a little package, drop it at the little post office, weigh myself
Tomorrow I will take it easy and relax
I will be kind to myself and others tomorrow
I will remember that I am great and am a creator of great things
I will remember that I am capable of art and witty banter
Tomorrow is not a day to talk to you
Tomorrow I will do some things and remember who I am
You don’t understand
I would swallow Los Angeles, tetanus and all, bare the blisters of her affectionate infection to have her safe in the warmth of my guts and soul
Take shelter LA, in me
You are me and I am you
It’s time for me to give back to you, get back into you, into me, we!
Get behind me LA! Get inside me LA!
You’re always going to hate me
I’ll never be inside
You’re never going to love me
And it’s finally okay
I look like him don’t I? I remind you of that rage?
I don’t take after you at all, in fact we are so different it’s comical
We will never be friends
I will never see you pass
You said you wanted to die alone and I didn’t hear you
You said you wanted to be left alone
You left us
Left me
I prayed in the shower, secretly, to bring you back
When I was alone in the hospital, all those times
You turned a blind eye or you didn’t care
I think you didn’t and don’t
You can up until you don’t
You don’t love me and that’s going to have to be good enough for me
Close the door
No se porque me da miedo que me lo hagan a mí y me lo hagan en el mismo sitio que me lo hacen a mí y a mi madre y a mi padre y a mi hermana y a mi hermano y a mi tía y a mi tío y a mi a mi tía a mi tía a mi tía o a mi tía a mi tío a mi tía a mi tío o a mi tía a mi tío no se pero no se porque me da miedo que me lo hagan a mi tía a mi tío mi tío mi tía y a mí no sé si es mi tío o no se porque no sé si me da igual que no se porque yo me da igual no sé qué pero es lo mismo no sé si no se porque es lo mismo pero es lo que pasa es lo que no sé si se puede decir a mí me lo dicen